dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
