So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up under a house in Key West
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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