I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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