Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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