Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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