If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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