you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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