okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
