went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize