She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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