Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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