im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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