Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
