Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
