I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
