im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
