Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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