I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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