Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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