I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
