Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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