Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
