Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
