margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
