I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
