So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize