It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
