So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Two words: blizzard sex
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
