I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
