dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
