you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
