2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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