tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
