if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
