I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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