After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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