i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
