I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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