I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
