jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
