I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
