I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
