Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
