Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
