I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
