Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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