Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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