She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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