just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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