im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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