Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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