her vagine was all disorganized.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
