I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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