Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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