guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
please come you make the beer taste better
worst night to have a conscience
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
