kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
