Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
