weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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