Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
