Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
