my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
