Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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