I am puke
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is the high leading the old right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
