I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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