How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
