I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
