You really coming over, don't trick.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
