puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
