Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
