I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize